Do you all remember when you were young and your parents or grandparents would tell you about your golden birthday? Like I was born on the 16th so my golden birthday was when I was 16. Well this year is the somber golden anniversary for one of the most tragic days in American history.
Why do you ask that I post this? Well last year was the ten year anniversary and the cover was major, the shows where nonstop, and the internet was ablaze with blogs, articles, and so on.
For anyone that knows me even just a little bit you know I don't like to follow the trend and crowds of everyone else because I like to be different and unique.
So last year I posted a small bit about the ten year anniversary but when I was in New York in 2008 I had took one picture that I've never posted and that was very moving for me. When I looked back at that photo after the trip I decided that September 11, 2012, on the "Golden Anniversary" of this day of tragedy and tell my full story of this picture.
Cary and I went to New York in February 2008 and we stayed at a hotel across the street from Ground Zero even in the room 9-11 and it overlooked the 24 hour work of the cleaning crews working there.
Well across the other side of the street is a small yet completely old and Gothic church and I have a huge love for old churches and graveyards. Our first full day there when Cary was at a meeting I got up, ate, got ready, and went across the street to this beautiful church. I walked around the breathtaking old graveyard and tombstones and then went inside where they have a small September 11th exhibit put up and I was going to take more pictures but the first thing I came to was this old pew. Firefighters from the crews working on the site those first days after this event came to this church to find food, water, peace, comfort, and sleep. Most of them too tired would lay or sit still fully dressed in their fire gear. At the time I was there visitors were allowed to sit on this bench and since it was a quiet February day in the middle of the week in Manhattan I was one of maybe five people in the whole church. The peace there was amazing, beautiful, and yet slightly eerie, but since I was the only one there looking at this exhibit at the time I took this picture, the first of what was going to be a ton of the exhibit. Then I sat on this pew, just right on the edge and a peace and feeling of rest filled me, the same feeling I know without a doubt filled those workers as they sat on this bench those years before. Without really thinking I ran my hand across the pew and came to the grooves made into the pew from the oxygen tanks and boots that of these workers who came for sanctuary in those dark days in this house of faith.
Without even realizing it hot tears rolled down my cheeks and I closed my eyes remembering the images that we all saw on the tv on that faithful day and the days, weeks, months, and years after. It was only ten minutes of less that I sat there, my eyes closed, and the tears freely following down my face and making small watermarks on my jeans and coat. All the while I let my fingers trace the grooves in this pews feeling almost a small electric currant run lightly through my body as I did.
Without opening my eyes I silently mouthed a prayer of thanks from that day and those that followed. For all those who lost their lives, for all the heroes, for all the fighters, for those that walked away, and so on and so on. And not just those there in New York but everywhere else.
Then I felt someone sit next to me on the pew and I knew right away from the smell of vanilla and lavender that it was a girl (or a very, very comfortable man) and I felt a small arm wrap around my shoulders and I tried to slow down my tears to open my eyes and see this sweet comforter by my side. She softly said in a deep but soothing southern voice with a touch of a New York twang to it. "Oh sugar, let it out." I heard her say. Of course this didn't really help me in my attempt to slow down my tears so my eyes were still closed but my breathing had slowed and I was starting to feel calm and I knew soon I would have more control over my emotions. "Baby girl thank you for your love, your sweet love and support, your hope and bright light that I know is bright in you and will lead you to help those around you and bring not only those people up but will bring yourself up into one of the most amazing people on this earth." Still with my eyes closed I said thank you ma'am for your kind words and I hope you're right. I heard a small sweet laugh that I knew came with a big smile just from her tone and then she said "I've been watching you longer than you know because I knew you would come here, sit in the same spot that my son would come,rest, and make these grooves and you would be filled with thanks, love, hope, fear, joy, and a drive to make even the smallest part of the world a little bit better and you will help more than you know, don't ever forget that!"
At this point I knew I should have been much more than freaked out and alarmed. I mean not to stereotype but I was a 23 year old young women touring Manhattan for the day by myself in a place that never sleeps and can be rather scary, even though I feel in love with this place as soon as I left the airport and never felt in danger the entire time I was there but wanted to stay and never leave! But at that moment with my eyes still close, the tears finally slowing down, sitting on pew that has the most unbelievable emotions running through it in a church that even though it wasn't of the faith I practice and fully believe in you could feel our Heavenly Father and his love for his children in every inch of that building both inside and outside on the grounds, with a complete stranger sitting next to me. Her arm still over my shoulders saying some the most beautiful things to me, as my eyes were still closed and I had no idea what she even looked like. Right when I knew I was winning the battle of my tears and I was getting ready to open my eyes to look at this wonderful stranger she pulled me a little closer, gave me a small squeeze, whispered don't you ever forget what I told you and don't you every give up Boo, do you hear me!" I was shocked that she used the name Boo. That is my family nickname given to me from my dad's family and used sometimes by close friends at work so now I had to open my eyes. But before I could the stranger leaned forward and lightly kissed my forever then said again as she let me go "I mean it Boo, go out and make everything you want and dream about happen!" I whispered back "I promise" just as I opened my eyes to find that not only was this stranger gone but the only other person in that part of the building with me was a thirty year old white man who was up by the alter lighting a candle and he never looked back to where I was sitting.
I know this would freak out anyone else and yes looking back I should have quickly left and hurried back across the street and stayed locked in my hotel room until Cary was down with her meetings bur I knew what had just happened was something that I could never fully explain but that nothing was going to happen and I was filled with peace and the knowledge that noting bad would happen to me or Cary the whole time we were in the Big Apple. But I decided that I would save the rest of the exhibit for the next time I was there and I ran my fingers along the grooves one more time and I prayed a huge thank you to our Heavenly Father for what just happened. Then I got up, walked outside, called a cab, checked my mirror in my purse and went on my way through the amazing city.
I have only touched lightly on this story before this, just saying that I sat on this pew or bench with the grooves and cried but no one at all (not even my wonderful husband) knew the whole story until now and as I was writing this I know that it was time for me to write it and share it with my blogging family. And this is an experience that I'm so thankful for and I hope that I will never forget the words that were said and the feelings that I had then. And to whoever that women was, even if she was real or not I'm thankful for her and I have never forgotten her words and I vow to fulfill them and I promised!
So this is my story, that I knew was time to share with you all on this 11 year anniversary not to remember the bad and pain of that day but to show that a Phoenix no matter how small or how little they may do always comes out of the ashes of everything. So today don't be sad for that day and all that happened but become your own Phoenix, rise up, and do something, big or small for yourself or others and prove that nothing can even get you down but should bring you up and teach us so much!
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